Hazelwood College: is integrated education a genuinely inclusive and unbiased education?

Cast your minds back to 2019 and you may remember the outrage caused when a teacher at Dalriada––a grammar school in Ballymoney––wrote a pro-life sentiment on a whiteboard in response to the relaxation of Northern Ireland’s abortion laws. The outrage was such that it even made the news. In response, Dalriada’s principal Tom Skelton said this:

“Regardless of any individual’s personal position on the issues of gay marriage and abortion, it is completely unacceptable that such a display was posted in a school environment.”

“Dalriada should be a place where all of its pupils, staff and visitors feel welcomed, supported and able to learn, regardless of their sexuality, political views, medical history or religious beliefs.”

Mr Skelton then went on to assure those offended that the teacher in question had “apologised profusely,” before concluding:

“The school pastoral programme is also being reviewed to ensure that lessons on topics such as same-sex marriage and abortion are delivered in an age-appropriate, sensitive, non-judgemental manner which reflects the views of all.” 

In other words, the political opinions and moral ideologies of the Dalriada teaching staff should be left out of the classroom, and lessons should be sensitive, even-handed and non-judgmental in their treatment of important social issues, like abortion. 

Fast forward, then, to March 2022 and Hazelwood Integrated College, led by activist teacher and SDLP candidate for east Belfast, Charlotte Carson, took a slightly different approach when hosting a ‘feminist day’. And by ‘slightly different’ I mean their approach to the treatment of sensitive topics was more akin to that of a monster truck reversing over someone’s garden fence than that of an integrated school striving for non-judgmental inclusivity. 

Not only was their widely-promoted feminist conference heavy on the pro-abortion apologetics, including the making of placards oozing with anti-Catholic sentiment, but it was attended––and celebrated––by several prominent politicians and abortion activist organisations. And yet, there was no outcry, no profuse apologising, and no BBC articles calling into question Hazelwood’s commitment to treating all views equally and with respect. And they say men have all the privilege.

So, what does this tell us about the true nature of integrated education? Quite a bit. Integrated Education, commonly construed, particularly in a Northern Irish context, is the simple act of educating children from disparate backgrounds, together. This is certainly a meritorious aim and one that most people think of when they hear the words “integrated education,” which is why, given our country’s troubled history, many right-minded people are in favour of it.

However, as Hazelwood’s feminist conference demonstrated, there’s a good bit more to it than that. Ideologies and moral frameworks do not exist in a vacuum; they must come from somewhere, and we all hold them. If an institution seeks to replace or neutralise one set of beliefs for the greater good of society––such as religious-based morality or political sectarianism–they won’t be replaced by mere neutrality; they will be replaced with someone else’s morality and a different kind of sectarianism. 

This was plain to see for anyone following the glowing coverage of Hazelwood’s feminist conference on social media, where pictures of girls (no boys to be seen, by the way) were circulated of them holding self-made “keep your rosaries off my ovaries” placards. Interesting. Why zone in on Catholicism? It’s almost as if the organisers of this event don’t know that the pro-life view is very common amongst practising Catholics, or that other world religions also take exception to abortion (you know, the deliberate taking of human life). 

So what of those Catholic and other religiously observant Hazelwood pupils? Being a diverse and inclusive school––if their multi-culture-depicting billboards are anything to go by––must mean that Hazelwood has at least some devout pro-life Catholic students under their tutelage. Would those pupils––or indeed any pupil of any religion who opposes abortion––have felt safe and welcomed at this conference? No, of course, they wouldn’t. Such an event would have been distinctly unwelcoming for them. These pupils would have been greeted with a kind of sectarianism not based on Green or Orange, but a new kind of sectarianism based on where they stand on progressive political policies. “Don’t agree with us on abortion? Here’s a placard of what we think of your stupid religion that claims all life is precious, you dinousaur!”

The biggest red flag of this event, however, was the adults using it as an evangelistic outreach/recruitment drive––namely, the angry, misanthropic abortion activist groups like Alliance for (abortion) Choice, an organisation not exactly known for its commitment to the kinds of standards one would expect of a school that wishes to “remain faithful to the true values of what an integrated school should be”. A cursory glance at these activists’ social media history often throws up grotesque artwork––both aesthetically and technically––appeals to eugenics (any pupils with Down syndrome or have a cleft palate at Hazelwood?) and, most disconcertingly, they have zero interest in engaging with even the most respectful of criticism, responding instead with mind-numbing GIFs and emojis, teaching children that you don’t have to defend your beliefs, you just have to assume and assert that they’re correct. Like the old religious men of yesteryear, these feminists believe their doctrines of Critical Race and Queer Theory are holier than your doctrines because Judith Butler tells them so.

Events like this, organised by activist teachers and promoted by people in power who have a clear political agenda, should be of considerable concern for any parent who wishes their child to develop into a well-rounded individual who respects others, even if they disagree with them. Like nature, morality abhors a vacuum, and a vacuum is exactly what integrated education provides––at least as it’s envisioned by schools like Hazelwood––into which someone’s ideology will be inserted. So, if you intend to send your child to Hazelwood, bear in mind: it’s not a case of if beliefs will be imposed on them, but which beliefs will be imposed.

Alliance for Choice to launch ‘infanticide doulas’ to complement abortion doula service

Infantem Abiit, Latin for ‘Baby Begone,’ is to be launched at the end of the year by Alliance for Choice to complement their Abortion Doula service.

Although infanticide is currently illegal in Northern Ireland, Alliance for Choice claimed that the use of a woman’s body by her offspring doesn’t magically stop after birth, so the right to bodily autonomy still applies. 

Therefore the group of misanthropic communists have launched a free ‘Infanticide Doula Service’ – Infantem Abiit – to provide advice and support on everything from how best to despatch unwanted infants to how to cut and finish your own block fringe.

Antionette LeVay from Infantem Abiit said: “For too long the government has refused to acknowledge our sovereign right over the life and death of our offspring. All women – including those women who are also men – need to know where and how to kill their children, but their human right (to end another human life) is being denied by the dinosaurs in government.”

The service will have two trained Infanticide Doulas in NI with over twenty years of infant killing experience between them – Beverley Allitt and Kristen Gilbert – with Kermit Gosnell set to provide technical and medical advice from his prison cell.

However, a spokesperson for the government responded that information on how to kill your weans is readily available on Google. “Infanticide-minded women can go to websites like Murderpedia, for example, to get tips and tricks on how best to end the life of a child they consider unwanted or too disabled.”

The spokesperson also said that the commissioning of infanticide services requires even more progressive political agendas, which we currently don’t have enough of, but if enlightened politicians bring their abortion arguments to their logical conclusion and enshrine them in law, we could have a society in the near future where infanticide is free, safe, legal and local.

Unborn to self-identify as foxes so Alliance Party, SDLP will prioritise their welfare

Clumps of cells across Northern Ireland are now self-identifying as foxes in a desperate bid to get political parties to recognise their inherent moral value and natural right to life.

The idea came about after one such clump overheard a radio interview in which a tearful SDLP representative lamented how awful it is that in 2021 “People can still be so cruel to another living creature”.

“I was doing some flips and sucking my thumb when I heard this politico say, “Tearing a fox apart is barbaric,” and I stopped and thought, “But that’s exactly what you want to happen to us!”” communicated one fetus by kicking its host in Morse code. “Maybe if we made ourselves less human by wearing fluffy ears and a bushy tail, local politicians might start campaigning for our rights as well.”

“Look, if a disease-ridden and bad-tempered fox can garner empathy from our most enlightened politicians, surely a human being in utero can too,” said the fetus before fixing his fox ears into place.

“As we have all come to learn in 21st Century Northern Ireland, the best way to get the attention of a progressive politician is to become a fashionable cause. Something easy to campaign for that will make the politician look amazingly empathetic and virtuous for speaking up on,” said another clump of cells. “What better than to self-identify as a vulnerable wild animal? Two progressive causes in one. Bingo!”

The hope is that when Northern Ireland’s politicians see these little foxes in utero, they will inadvertently call for an end to hunting human babies in the womb. Failing that, however, the fetuses plan to self-identify as other progressive political causes, such as circus animals, goose eggs, and Marxists.

Brandon Lewis installed as N Ireland ‘supreme leader’

The British government has finally completed the transfer of absolute power over Northern Ireland to Brandon Lewis.

Watched by scores of abortion activists, ideologically-confused Republicans and some middle-class moralisers packed into Belfast’s Writers’ Square, Lewis watched from a balcony overlooking the plaza as words of praise for the man called “the Dear Leader” were read out loud.

Millie Smurthwaite, the founder of Kill the Kids, a reproductive justice advocacy group, said: “The cold and calloused heart of democracy has finally stopped beating … this timely and welcome power move is the best thing to happen to the uteruses of men and women across the country.”

And the North of Ireland, she said, will “finally make the transformation from misogyny and patriarchy to empowerment and solidarity; that’s why we need this man in charge” adding that Lewis shared her “ideology for crushing the weakest members of society for personal gain.”

“The fact that he completely resolved the abortion services thing is great comrade Lewis’s most noble achievement,” she said.

Lewis, flanked by senior party and military officials from both the Alliance Party and the Green Party on the balcony of a Pizza Express, bowed his head during the service. To his left stood the Alliance Party’s Stephen Farry, who, alongside the Green Party’s Clare Bailey, is expected to act as a close adviser to the new leader.

The accession will not become formal, however, until the youth wing of the Alliance Party have replaced every flag, election poster and lamppost sticker in the country with a portrait of Lewis’s face.

Alliance party hits out at ‘graphic’ ultrasound images found in households across the country

Graphic images of healthy children in utero have been found in homes across the country, on fireplaces and in bookcases – and sometimes even on fridge magnets or mugs.

Alliance Cllr Snipey McSneery, who heads up Alliance’s anti-graphic-image task force, has called this an unspeakable evil, and asked the PSNI to forcibly remove them as soon as possible.

He said: “It has been brought to my attention that a number – possibly tens of thousands – of households across the country have graphic ultrasound imagery on their fireplaces and other areas where everyone can see them.

“Such images can be deeply upsetting to those who hate truth or those who know deep down that a parasitic clump of cells is a whole human being, but want to suppress that truth for the sake of a political agenda.

“I have reported these ultrasounds to the PSNI and the Housing Executive requesting that they are removed as soon as possible to prevent further harm to middle-class leftist feelings.

“We need to continue to work together in love and compassion and empathy as a shared community to not upset anyone for the betterment of us all … or else.”

The ultrasounds come just days after scores of pamphlets containing similar imagery that warn against the dangers of smoking when pregnant were discovered in a GP’s surgery, which were described by Alliance Youth’s chairperson, Xer Katniss, as “a campaign of harassment and lies”.

Thou shalt not be biased: the fallacy of secular neutrality

Last month, a primary school in Glenarm became the first Catholic school in Northern Ireland to become integrated, prompting great fanfare from secularists. A secular society, argue secularists, is one that is unrivalled in its capacity for tolerance, its high view of science and, crucially, in its neutrality

Sounds amazing, doesn’t it? What kind of dinosaur wouldn’t place their trust in such a reasonable and progressive system? You would have to be literally Hitler to disagree.

But is it true? Is secularism neutral? And does it have a high view of science and tolerance? 

ToLErAnCE!!!!!

Self-defeating and logically impossible.

Well, not really. The appeal of neutrality is certainly understandable. The idea that no one group should be advantaged over another is a sound one—and should be strived for insofar as possible—but it doesn’t address the need to differentiate between competing ideas of what good is. Issues like euthanasia, abortion, free speech, etc., are all bitterly contested—even amongst secularists—so, who is right and on what grounds?

For a civilised society to function properly, it is important to promote some ideas as beneficial and relegate others as harmful, which necessitates appealing to some sort of higher code. Herein lies the problem for secularism. 

Adjudicating between competing conceptions of good requires something other than mere neutrality to be successful—otherwise (and try and follow me on this) neutrality itself would be perceived as the ultimate good and therefore wouldn’t be neutral! It’s self-defeating.   

The solution must be anchored to a coherent understanding of what government is and what its responsibilities are, which itself is part of a larger moral project that encompasses everything from what it means to be human to why we ought to behave in certain ways—questions that neutrality is ill-equipped to answer because there is no neutral ground on which to discuss them.

Traditionally, differentiating between competing concepts of good was done via an appeal to a higher moral authority that sits outside human ability to change. In other words, an ontic referent (i.e. God). But, of course, on secularism there is no God or gods (or if there is, he/she/it/they has no business interfering in human affairs), so man and man alone is the measure of all things. The problem with that, of course, is the standards by which man measures things change with frightening rapidity, often without notice. Such a system leaves no room for neutrality. 

Therefore, we should see secular neutrality as a logical impossibility; it is completely untenable. If neutrality is seen as the highest good for governance then the State would be compelled to impose it, which would require more state intervention to make sure everything remains neutral. Which is anything but neutral.

Everyone has moral beliefs they want enshrining in law

The second problem with the idea of secular neutrality is that everyone—absolutely everyone—has a set of beliefs and moral assumptions they want to see reflected in law. Secularists, as evidenced by their indefatigable lobbying on issues such as (take a deep breath, this is a long sentence) same-sex marriage, abortion access, blasphemy laws, euthanasia, collective worship in schools, sex education, religious education, integrated education, all the other educations, public religious displays, graphic abortion imagery, gay conversion therapy (but not gender conversion therapy, that’s beautiful and empowering), organ donation, animal rights, etc. etc. etc — are no exception. The phrase “don’t push your morals on others” doesn’t seem to apply to secularists.

It’s also important to note that, as far as science goes, all of the above campaigns are the outworking of moral convictions, not science. For example, pro-lifers are often told by abortion advocates that an unborn child (or fetus, if you prefer), while scientifically human, is not a person and can therefore be killed with impunity. That something can be a living human organism but not a person is known as ‘personhood theory’ — which is an ideology, not science. The same goes for sexual identity. Science can tell us how our bodies are ordered and plumbed for the opposite sex as a means of species propagation, but it can’t tell us whether or not ‘love is love’. That is a moral claim and, as such, is no more rational, scientific or provable than other competing moral claim.

(To be clear, that doesn’t mean that all religious ideas are good or that all secularist ideas are bad, but the idea that religious beliefs should be excluded from policymaking for simply being religious is itself a metaphysical belief rooted in presuppositions about the nature of reality.)

Unfortunately, many Christians have bought into the fallacy of secular neutrality, which, importantly, demands that all religious beliefs be left at home before you enter the political arena (except for feel-good Oprah spirituality or any theology that affirms whatever the current social zeitgeist happens to be). 

And yet, even though religious beliefs are openly excluded, secularists—under the guise of neutrality—can still smuggle in their beliefs … beliefs that their ultimate view of reality can’t ground. For example, a secularist who is also a materialist (a person who believes that nothing exists except physical matter) cannot ground the belief that all human beings are equal, since Darwinism, their grounding text for the nature of reality, teaches no such thing. So, they must borrow the Christian view of the human person, which teaches that all human beings are equal in virtue of them simply being human.

So, the next time a secularist offers up their utopian vision of a perfectly neutral and tolerant secular society—a society that just so happens to recognise in law all of their moral beliefs and convictions (but not yours)—don’t let it pass without interrogation. 

Politician outraged at colour of football kit welcomes new law that permits ripping children to pieces

The inexplicably popular North Down MP, Stephen Farry, who recently made headlines over concerns about the colour of a football kit, has welcomed a new law that will allow countless children to be ripped to pieces and thrown in a bin, some simply because they’re disabled.

“With all the horrible and backward things going on in our society at present, like a football team using the wrong colour for their kits, this new law is a real breath of fresh, progressive air” said Farry.

While the Alliance Party is very much in favour of child dismemberment for any reason and at any time during pregnancy, their PR strategy is usually to obfuscate the issue with a clever mix of anti-science and sloppy philosophy, then accusing anyone who questions them on it of not having a uterus.

Sloppy Alliance philosophy conflating bodily ability with moral worth

“I know our party has been unclear on this issue in the past — I mean, just try and get a coherent answer out of Naomi Long without her resorting to lazy rhetoric and vapid sloganeering – but I hope my public show of approval for this new child dismemberment law is clear proof that the Alliance Party really is the party of progress and choice.”

Questions have been raised about the Alliance Party’s official position on child dismemberment, with some arguing that they are now a fully pro-dismemberment party instead of one that takes a conscience-based approach. “That’s not true” said Farry. “We’re still committed to diversity of thought within the party – hence our token pro-lifer, Chris Lyttle.”

Chris Lyttle was unavailable for comment, having been sent away on a re-education course for voting in favour of making child dismemberment illegal in cases of Down syndrome.

Northern Ireland Humanists to offer abortion ceremonies

After the recent liberalisation of abortion in Northern Ireland, Northern Ireland Humanists immediately unveiled plans to make a few quid by offering abortion ceremonies.

While the humanist movement has, for some time, been offering a range of ceremonial services for secularists who want all the trappings of religion but none of the God stuff, abortion ceremonies are believed to be a world’s first.

“We wanted to celebrate this historic day of joy and bloodshed by offering people something unique and memorable for their abortions,” said Quentin Snarf, a humanist celebrant and founder of the pro-choice activist group, Upper-Middle Class Alliance Against Poor People Breeding.

“We humanists love our ceremonies and already offer lots of them – from wedding ceremonies to cat-naming ceremonies – so why not abortion? It is our most important sacrament, after all.”

With the first abortions in Northern Ireland set to take place during March 2020, Snarf is expecting demand to be high.

“We’ve already had hundreds of enquires, many from people who aren’t even pregnant yet!” said Snarf.

“We know from independently verified data that Northern Ireland’s wicked and antiquated pro-life laws have saved over 100,000 lives, but while we can’t kill those people now, we can kill a future 100,000 – and what a better way to celebrate that than with an abortion ceremony!”

At present, details are sketchy as to what an abortion ceremony will involve, but a spokesperson for Northern Ireland Humanists has confirmed that participants will be offered the chance to “pull off the first limb” or “crush the skull themselves” as part of the ritual.

Four reasons why we need to rally for choice

A guest blog by Rally for Choice speaker, Evil-Lyn

Mmmmmmwwwwhhhyy hello there, comrades – hahahaha! I am Evil-Lyn, sorceress and harnesser of dark powers. Most of you will remember me as the evil witch from the hit 80s cartoon, He-Man and the Masters of the Universe – but I am also a compassionate and reason-filled proponent of abortion and bodily autonomy rights.

So – when the organisers of Belfast’s Rally for Choice reached out to me during their AGM seance and asked me to be one of their guest speakers, how could I refuse? Hahahaha! (I couldn’t).

Now that the dust has settled after a crazy weekend of marching and protesting around Belfast with 17 million (according to our academic) fellow pro-choice persons, I want to take the time to enlighten all you bigots and misogynists on why the choice to end a human life is necessary for progress.

Here are four reasons – hahahahaha!

1. Population control

As my enlightened pro-choice comrades often point out – usually over a glass of Ca’ di Rajo Lemoss Frizzante and a bowl of roasted chickpeas back at mine after watching a profound piece of abortion theatre at the MAC – the world is overcrowded. There’s at least 6 billion of us and counting. It is not possible for so many people to enjoy the splendours of our wonderful planet all at the same time without destroying it.

Something has to give.

Unfortunately, you can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs. And by eggs, I mean fetuses. Abusing chickens of their eggs is disgusting and immoral.

This Facebook post from an academic at a leading NI University sums up our predicament perfectly:

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2. Clearing out the riff-raff

If you’ve ever had the misfortune of being in a “benefits lounge,” you’ll notice that poor people are rather unsightly. Not only that, they have a tendency to “muck about,” which means they can never get work or contribute to a meaningful society.

As our comrade Bernie Sanders explained recently, the answer to people living in poverty – especially in those savage third world countries – is to stop them from breeding. In other words, poor people are better off dead. And in pieces. And in a bin.

(As an added bonus, since the poor commit all the crimes, this approach is also useful for countries that don’t have the death penalty. Except it’s better, because the criminal can be taken out before a crime has even been committed – like in Minority Report – saving the Justice Department millions in taxpayers’ money).

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“Pro-choice, not Pro-letariat!” I screamed.

3. Improving the gene pool

If our amazing foremothers Marie Stopes and Margret Sanger, founders of the two biggest abortion enterprises in the universe, taught us anything it was that abortion “Is nothing more or less than the facilitation of the process of weeding out the unfit, of preventing the birth of defectives or of those who will become defectives”.

This is true. When I visited Iceland a few moon cycles ago, my intention was to overthrow their government and seize control of their aluminium smelting plants. But then I discovered they had done great work in eradicating Down’s syndrome – a problem that has cursed my home planet of Eternia since the beginning of time – by eradicating those with Down’s syndrome! Genius – hahahaha!

So it follows, then, that since Iceland is often portrayed as a beacon of secular hope and progress, it would be prudent to follow their lead by allowing Northern Ireland to abort all its defectives, too. Those with Down’s syndrome, those with an FFA, those with a cleft palate, those with colic – the whole lot of them. Having a choice helps us achieve that.

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I genuinely don’t look out of place here.

4. People should be able to do whatever the f**k they want, you c**nts!

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While the first three reasons are closely linked, this one often gets overlooked, but it’s a vital component – if not the most important component – of everything that the pro-choice movement stands for, especially when it comes to sex. And that is the right to do whatever the f**k we want, whenever we want.

Five millennia ago I argued during my presidential campaign that laws should be based on a) how badly people want to do something and b) possession of a uterus or uteruses. Unfortunately, at the time, my home planet of Eternia was under the patriarchy of Skeletor, who took exception to my liberal fancies and banished me to a netherworld for ten thousand years.

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Skeletor and I have since reconciled. It was great to see him at the Rally and looking the part, alongside his long-term political ally, Eamonn McCann.

But I was right. Nihilism is the only viable option for governance. It’s true that some people argue that laws should be based on reason and merit, but do you notice how everyone who says that doesn’t have a uterus? Exactly – hahahaha! Shut up, you man*!

Hopefully, these reasons – and all of the lovely photographs you see of how wonderful and stable and measured we pro-choicers are – will have dragged you out of your religious stupor and into the 21st Century. But if not, well, DON’T LIKE ABORTION, DON’T HAVE ONE! – HAHAHAHA!

*By ‘man’ I am referring to those without wombs. I am aware that not everyone without a womb identifies as a man, making them a woman*. I mean no offence by this. I support you all.

* By ‘woman’ I am referring to those with wombs. I am aware that not everyone with a womb identifies as a woman and are actually men with wombs. To clarify, men who are women who are men who are women who are men with wombs and also women without wombs – I mean no offence. I support you all.

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Beast Man cheered up considerably after his Boojum.

Government to introduce ‘Atheism Studies’ as RE alternative for children of embarrassing atheist parents

Following an attempt by atheist parents to sue a Christian school for doing Christian stuff, the Department of Education announced that it will introduce ‘Atheism Studies’ as a ‘meaningiful and educational’ alternative for those wishing to opt their children out of RE – and to give those children some respite from their parents’ public displays of hyper-litigiousness.

Full details of the new subject have yet to be finalised, but a government source said it will cover the following key curriculum areas:

History

Instead of learning about the pyramids and Victorian child chimney sweeps, students of atheism will be taught the history of atheist thought, from reciting the nihilistic ramblings of Frederich Nietzsche to a VR tour of the Godless utopian paradise of Stalin’s Soviet Russia.

Field trips will include a visit to North Korea, where children can see first hand what official atheist government policy looks like in practice, which they can follow up with some labour camp building in Minecraft.

Science

Science lessons will focus exclusively on evidence for atheism. As such, the government has allocated a £50m budget for schools to rent out empty sheds for periods of up to five hundred million years so as children of atheists can observe how living things can come from nothing.

Experiments like making and freezing slime will be replaced with experiments showing how slime, under the right conditions and given enough time, can become fully functioning members of society worthy of rights and personhood.

The Arts

Those taking Atheism Studies can dispense with the Christmas nativity and instead do a play based on atheist philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre’s novel, Being and Nothingness.

Pupils will get to dress up as their favourite atheist and lounge around the stage smoking cigarettes, contemplating the merits of living a conflicted life of misery and pleasure versus simply committing suicide.

Welcoming today’s announcement, secular campaigner Casper Sage Floyd said: ‘This is great progress. Even though I believe you get to make your own meaning in life, religious meaning is more meaningless than atheist meaning. And even though I believe that morality is subjective, it is objectively wrong to indoctrinate kids into religion. As as a society we need to be tolerant and inclusive, which is why we must banish religion to the ideological gulags – or else.”

However, some atheist parents did express concern over the use of Sartre’s books given the author’s well-documented sordid sex life —although plans to teach primary school children that sex between two and any number of consenting people is acceptable were warmly received.