Brandon Lewis installed as N Ireland ‘supreme leader’

The British government has finally completed the transfer of absolute power over Northern Ireland to Brandon Lewis.

Watched by scores of abortion activists, ideologically-confused Republicans and some middle-class moralisers packed into Belfast’s Writers’ Square, Lewis watched from a balcony overlooking the plaza as words of praise for the man called “the Dear Leader” were read out loud.

Millie Smurthwaite, the founder of Kill the Kids, a reproductive justice advocacy group, said: “The cold and calloused heart of democracy has finally stopped beating … this timely and welcome power move is the best thing to happen to the uteruses of men and women across the country.”

And the North of Ireland, she said, will “finally make the transformation from misogyny and patriarchy to empowerment and solidarity; that’s why we need this man in charge” adding that Lewis shared her “ideology for crushing the weakest members of society for personal gain.”

“The fact that he completely resolved the abortion services thing is great comrade Lewis’s most noble achievement,” she said.

Lewis, flanked by senior party and military officials from both the Alliance Party and the Green Party on the balcony of a Pizza Express, bowed his head during the service. To his left stood the Alliance Party’s Stephen Farry, who, alongside the Green Party’s Clare Bailey, is expected to act as a close adviser to the new leader.

The accession will not become formal, however, until the youth wing of the Alliance Party have replaced every flag, election poster and lamppost sticker in the country with a portrait of Lewis’s face.

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