Unborn to self-identify as foxes so Alliance Party will campaign for their rights

The unborn across Northern Ireland are now self-identifying as foxes in a desperate bid to get political parties to recognise their inherent moral value and natural right to life.

The idea came about after one such unborn child overheard a radio interview in which a tearful Alliance Party MLA lamented how awful it is that people can be so cruel towards another living creature.

“I was doing some flips and sucking my thumb when I heard someone from the Alliance party say, “Tearing a fox apart is barbaric,” and I stopped and thought, “But that’s exactly what you want to happen to us!” communicated one fetus by kicking its host in Morse code. “Maybe if we made ourselves less human by wearing fluffy ears and a bushy tail, local politicians might start campaigning for our rights as well.”

“If disease-ridden and bad-tempered foxes can garner concern and empathy from our most enlightened politicians, surely a human being in utero can, too,” said the fetus before fixing his fox ears into place.

“As we have all come to learn in modern Northern Ireland, the best way to get the attention of a progressive politician is to become a fashionable cause. Something that’s easy to campaign for that will make the politician look empathetic and virtuous for speaking up on,” said another clump of cells. “What better way to do that than to self-identify as a vulnerable wild animal? Animal welfare and trans rights – two progressive causes in one!”

The hope is that when Northern Ireland’s politicians see these little foxes in utero, they will inadvertently call for an end to hunting human babies in the womb.

If that fails, however, the fetuses plan to self-identify as other progressive political causes, such as rare goose eggs, trees, or Lough Neagh.

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