Politician outraged at colour of football kit welcomes new law that permits ripping children to pieces

The inexplicably popular North Down MP, Stephen Farry, who recently made headlines over concerns about the colour of a football kit, has welcomed a new law that will allow countless children to be ripped to pieces and thrown in a bin, some simply because they’re disabled.

“With all the horrible and backward things going on in our society at present, like a football team using the wrong colour for their kits, this new law is a real breath of fresh, progressive air” said Farry.

While the Alliance Party is very much in favour of child dismemberment for any reason and at any time during pregnancy, their PR strategy is usually to obfuscate the issue with a clever mix of anti-science and sloppy philosophy, then accusing anyone who questions them on it of not having a uterus.

Sloppy Alliance philosophy conflating bodily ability with moral worth

“I know our party has been unclear on this issue in the past — I mean, just try and get a coherent answer out of Naomi Long without her resorting to lazy rhetoric and vapid sloganeering – but I hope my public show of approval for this new child dismemberment law is clear proof that the Alliance Party really is the party of progress and choice.”

Questions have been raised about the Alliance Party’s official position on child dismemberment, with some arguing that they are now a fully pro-dismemberment party instead of one that takes a conscience-based approach. “That’s not true” said Farry. “We’re still committed to diversity of thought within the party – hence our token pro-lifer, Chris Lyttle.”

Chris Lyttle was unavailable for comment, having been sent away on a re-education course for voting in favour of making child dismemberment illegal in cases of Down syndrome.

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