In scenes resembling an orc wedding from a Dungeons and Dragons game, thousands of Ireland’s most compassionate and tolerant progressives gobbled After Eights and quaffed champagne in a festival of grotesquerie to celebrate the literal abolition of equality.
Dublin Castle was buzzing last night after the 8th Amendment – a law that afforded all members of the human family the right to life – was successfully overturned, paving the way for Irish women to dismember and poison their offspring should the need arise.
The hashtag #KillYourKids began trending as Repealers across the country expressed their unbridled joy at the door being opened to the wholesale destruction of human life – just as it proved to be after abortion was introduced in England and America. Repealers were keen to make their feelings known as Ireland moved into a more tolerant and progressive era.
“I know that throughout history the whole person/non-person argument has ended in misery and death every single time it’s been used to advance a cause, but this time it’s different. I swear” said an adult clump of cells. “#DownWithDowns” one woman from Cork tweeted. “It’s time to create a more perfect race. We don’t need those who can’t contribute to society! Abort it and try again!”
Also present at the celebration was Sinn Fein leader Michelle O’Neill, who addressed the gathering by quoting the famous Republican mantra: “Our revenge will be the laughter of our children!” before adding her own caveat, “Yunno, the ones we don’t abort”. The crowd then erupted into chants and howls, prompting nearby stewards to toss them some newborns to satiate their craving for innocent blood.